Instead of Black Friday this year, I had WTF Wednesday, Threatening Thursday and Black Friday. I’ll start with WTF Wednesday. I’m sitting at work casually slacking off and coming up with other things to do than my actual job when I get a frantic text from my sister saying ‘CALL ME IMMEDIATELY!’
I met her at West County Mall and it was game-on. We shopped our asses off and hit every store we needed in under 2 hours. Getting the main shops out of the way 2 days early was a huge advantage on our competition. I, personally, don’t agree with stores being open on Thanksgiving Day but they have left me no choice! I could boycott but then I’m also boycotting sales, which I fully support. Our second food and family destination on Thursday had to be sacrificed. Thursday night was it…it was the like the night before Y2K only cool shit actually happened. Thursday night’s schedule went as followed: Watch the Walmart frenzy, drive by and honk at the Best Buy line, get Starbucks, wait for Target’s doors to open and run in skipping the line, Ulta then the Galleria. For anyone who is unaware, you have to have your dukes at the ready at all times in the Galleria. The crowd can be…hostile…at best. You know you’re a professional when you master Target in under and hour. We got all of the door busters we wanted, never had to stand in line outside and made it through the checkout of 200 people in 40 minutes.
After a few anthems and pump up songs, we were headed to the Galleria. Last year we had to break into Chesterfield mall because Old Navy opened before the rest of the mall and we had to get in line for their 2am door buster. We got the free underwater, digital cameras!! If you're unaware of this tale, you can get up to speed here 'Spreading Holiday Cheer One Scissor Kick at a Time.' So this year, we knew the situation would be no different. The key was to find an entrance where workers were waiting to be let in. If you blend in with them, mall security won’t bust you. Once we got in, we headed straight for Victoria’s Secret 007 style. We could NOT risk getting kicked out. I don’t know about you but hide and seek makes me have to potty. Maybe it’s the nervousness of being spotted or maybe I just have issues. Either way I had to potty. We sneak upstairs only to hear a series of screams, herds running and mass panic. My sister and I look at each other, forget about going potty and sprint back to the VS line. We quickly realized they opened the main doors to the mall and bitches were sprinting like the first one in line received a gold bar. I knew that wasn't true because I would've been in line a month ago. We got down there in 6 Mississippis and there were already 20 people in line. This shit got cray.
The next 4 hours consisted of getting trapped behind an extreme couponer at Macys trying to haul ass on sheets, sprinting to Bath and Body for a free tote I’ll never use and a Jack in the Box drive-thru must-have. Look, I’m all for extreme couponing anything but homeboy shouldn’t be trying to flex coupons on Black Friday. No one has time for that shit. Take it to a Tuesday when everyone is at work. I have places to be and shit to buy. Insert short nap and amaze breakfast Friday. My sister and I were relaxing when we realized ALL of our Black Friday shopping was done and the day was only a few hours old. All of a sudden my sister says ‘Did you know they just put a Michael Kors in Frontenac?’ Uhhh NO I did NOT know this. I called to see if they are doing anything for BF to find out they have a huge sale only lasting another 30 minutes. We were dressed and in her car in 4 minutes flat. No exaggeration.
All in all, I learned something this Black Friday. I had a first hand view of both extremes in BF shopping. The highs…The Plazzzzaaaaa, and the normals…Galleria. At the Galleria people were pushing and shoving for $25 yoga pants, pulling hair for $4 pillows and slamming faces into walls for a B&B tote. At Frontenac, we were the only ones running, the women were in full on make-up and hair clutching their Chanels and we hadn’t showered since Thanksgiving morning. Already prepping for next year! Mazel