My favorite social tea party is the one that involves my BFF, her fiancé and myself. She has to have magic lady dust to convince this dude to spend the rest of his life with me in it, I swear. We have conversations and purposely tag him in them so he gets 20 notifications about poop, farts and all things reality tv. God bless him and his Canadian patience and ability to completely ignore us.
I’m not one of those ‘techy’ people but when I see shit that’s cool, I tell my friends about it. This next feature is cool only because it makes everyone else look like an idiot for not turning this feature off. And by everyone I mean dudes. They are the ones this feature was invented for…to catch them in a lie, to let you know they’re only in to you when it’s convenient for them or to outright piss you off. For those who don’t have iphones, they recently added a feature in imessage that lets you see if the receiver of your text read it or not. Tricky Apple dicks. When you download the upgrade it ASKS YOU if you want to enable this feature. Why the fuck anyone would say yes is beyond me unless you have super balls, are a girl or just haven’t figured out we can see you. I will actually give it up to ladies who have this feature enabled. Not only do girls not care if another girl texts them back but she is outright letting your bitch ass know she read your message, is ignoring your booty call and thinks you can go fuck yourself. It’s the most effortless dis known to man. Apple burns them FOR you.
Iphones do have their drawbacks. Or maybe it’s all phones. Or maybe it’s the attendant at Verizon just being a joker. I wasn’t receiving texts for a short period of time. Me being me, this threw me into a tailspin. I called Verizon to rectify the situation. Side note, it really bothers me when the call centers are located in areas that I can’t fly to for under $1,000. I have nothing against who they are as people or where they are located in life, but it really fucking erks me when they tell me it’s an overseas call center, from the beginning, and answer saying their name is Bob. No, it fucking isn’t. I get that it might be easier for Americans to understand the name since other countries think we are dip shits but come on. At least give me a shot at your awesome name for my daily ya-yas. Their names are cool and they can be far more interesting people than all of my neighbors who felt the need to paint their houses and roofs bright blue and green. Anyway, I call and he wants to rehash my text history. First of all, this clown starts READING MY TEXTS back to me. Look ‘Bob’ that’s confidential information and I don’t like your tone while impersonating me. I do not sound like that. Put ‘John’ on the phone. ‘John’ starts role-playing conversations back and forth…excuse me but what does this have to do with me sending and receiving texts? You rereading me a text from 2 weeks ago about tampons that I already read, isn’t helping me. It’s just creating material for your Christmas party, which I respect, but wait until I’m off the line.
I don’t ever use Siri, mainly because anything she can do, I can do better. Siri is an automated voice assistant program. Youtube the commercial with Martin Scorsese if you’re unaware. Today on my way home I was bored in traffic and tried to get to know her better…